Love Me Not Part 14

I had a sinking feeling. "Never belittle love." my inner conscience pleaded. It seemed as if it still craved for it. Was i not being selfish trying to think only about me? I had not even told Harshit about Raghav. Maybe it was correct time to confess.

"Hey! Are you there?" Whispered Harshit as he was unable to speak loudly. He was in the same house as Suhas.

"Yes. I am very much here. Harshit, I am committed to Raghav. Well, i am not committed. I like him, he likes me. He doesn't want commitments." I blurted it out in a single breathe.

"You sound stupid." he said with absolute no confusion. As if it was the supreme truth of the life. A moment passed by. We stayed mum.

"So, you like some other guy. He also likes you. He doesn't want to get committed. I am sure he has no idea about all this you went through. Am i right?" He questioned.

I had no answers. It was as if someone had immersed my face in the pool of water. Held me there until i lost my breath. I felt immense pain, suffocation.

"Come on Tapasya. Don't fool yourself. Don't you love me?" He questioned again.

"Yes, yes i do, I Love you." i chanted. I was scared.

"I love you tapasya. I don't wish to force myself on you. I think you should talk to Raghav, and sort out the things between you guys. I am sure it will smoothing our lives. How long will you live your life at the mercy of others? How long will you let others decide for you? You know what? This is the right time. Make it yours. Just take a decision which makes you happy." He sighed.. I could hear him sucking, lungful of oxygen. He tried to calm himself.

I din't know if he was trying to explain things to me or himself. I felt violated. He spoke as if it was his life and not mine. He made it sound so simple. Talk to Raghav he advised. He also told, do as you wish. Wasn't i again in the hands of someone else?

"Shut the hell up. I just need some fresh air!" I exclaimed. I continued, "I am done with this game of hide and seek. I just wish to relax now. I am not going to clarify anything with that god damn Raghav nor anybody else. It's my life! I wish to rule it. You get that?" I spoke harshly!

I could hear silence at the other end. I spoke in a voice which was very alien to me. I could hardly believe that i had spoken like this to anyone. I felt very liberated. A sense of relief and pride took over me.

"This is what i wanted you to understand Tapasya. Life is not necessarily complete with another person. You are way too good to be independent. Stop seeking shelter under another. Don't let yourself get used to the wrong doings of the others.

Look at you. You are capable of fighting back. I want you to do that. Love yourself. You don't have to do anything that you don't wish to do.

I do love you but definitely don't want you to love me out of fear. That's not love. You see, where this thing is going wrong? You are not loving yourself enough.

He was like an eye opener. I felt ashamed. . I felt relieved, anxious but good at the end. He had taught me a great lesson. I was now, looking at my life like a third person. I should have not let others take over my life. I felt guilty. I stayed mum,

I don't intend to make you feel bad. I only want you to realize that you worth more. He said in an assuring tone.

I made it a rule of my life to never bow down before the selfish wishes of others. Harshit proved to be my eye opener. He had introduced to a completely new world, which i hardly knew existed.

Suhas was diagnosed for the Borderline personality disorder.
Raghav went about his routine life with no commitments yet many girlfriends. I hardly spoke to him then on, He does make efforts in trying to get me back. I give no damn.
Harshit is my best friend.We both have shifted to Mangalore. We meet often. We do laugh thinking about the series of incidences which brought us together.

THE END